Perth-Bayswater
Rugby Union Football Club
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Perth-Bayswater Rugby Union Football Club |
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| BLACK THAI EVENT |
| 6 December 2004 |
The trip started with a few surprises, both really concerning Tony Sproule. For two reasons really, firstly he was there and ready to go, secondly he wasn't late or the last one there. That honour went to the only colt travelling on the tour, Paul. We all got on the plane without mishap, except for Jaime Hohapata losing his tour item within 5 minutes of receiving it. Free alcohol on the plane was enjoyed by all, but the brief stopover in Singapore saw things slow down a little due to a AUS $10 a glass of beer. The second leg of the flight saw more sleeping than drinking with the eyelids getting a little heavy for most.
We touched down in Bangkok Thursday night/Friday morning at close to 1 in the morning to find that the ever-reliable Ambassador hotel hadn't arranged our pick up. After a couple of phone calls that weren't getting us anywhere in hurry we took matters into our own hands and organised two maxi-taxis to take the 14 of us to our hotel. In the hotel lobby we were to have our first sight of what would turn out to be some good mates, the Beecroft-Cherrybrook boys who had arrived the day before and were hitting it pretty hard, stumbling around the lobby introducing themselves. Tour Manager Alex "Lex" Wilson waited until they were out of earshot before proclaiming - "Now lads, we don't want to be like them". Famous last words as it turns out. Before turning in for the night a few of the boys, Lex "we don't want to be like them" Wilson, decided on a nightcap. They were still at the bar at 9am drinking and stumbling around with the Beecroft boys -- if you can't beat them join them, I suppose. No names where the story can be incriminating will be mentioned here, but it didn't take a couple of the guys long to sample some of the local delights that Thailand has to offer...
Friday was pretty much a day to ourselves to get out and about and see what we could find, and get acclimatised. The call for the day was for some shopping, with little or no surprise some drinking and some relaxing by the pool reflecting on how good it is not to be a work. Friday night was a get together at a Pub called The Londoner organised by the local side, The Southerns, a team of ex-pats based in Thailand. I guess we must have thought we were still in Perth when we jumped in the first Tuk Tuk (local motor bike/taxi's aka mad Thai bastards driving tourists around the place) and said take us to The Londoner -- assuming (1) he understood us; and (2) he would know where it was. So for a do that was supposed to start at 8pm some of us didn't get there until 12 (not that I can remember, thanks to a stop or three at a few bars the local girls persuaded us to come into for a couple of drinks). I've been told that a great time was had by all -- while overcome with jet lag I had a little nap in one of the booths, and that's all I've got to say about that!!
Saturday was day 1 of the competition. I guess you could say we were lucky to get a late kick-off due to the sore heads enjoyed by most -- I hate you on mornings like that Mark! (the team non-drinker). We arrived at the Police Club Stadium in near 30 degree heat and humidity on top of that. Our first game was against Roi-Et 19's, a very close game in the end but thanks to a Mark Hill try saver, chasing down the opposition with a 15 metre head start from inside their half, clawing him back and turning him over to hold him up over then line all in one motion. The resulting scrum we pushed them off the ball and managed to hold on for the win 10 - 7. The second game for the day against the Royal Thai Army, easily one of the games of the day. Leading for most of the game we let a try in with a minute and a half to go to trail 22 -17. Receiving the ball from the kick off we worked our way up the field with hero of the day Mark running onto a pass through the gap to score in the corner - 24 to 22. Still having time to kick off we kicked deep and pinned the Thai Army in their own 22. With the full time siren blown and the Army in possession of the ball they showed their knowledge of the game and kicked their own ball out for us to win the game.
Saturday night was a little more low key compared to Friday night as we were in the major finals against Linton Army with kickoff at 11.30. The night wasn't a total loss, as seeing that some of the guys, Fungus and Mark, were leaving on Monday we thought it best we see one of Thailand's favourite tourist attractions - a gogo bar on Pad Pong Road. For the uneducated and the naive we saw a girl hold a sparkler and use chopsticks. This may not sound very interesting but she wasn't using her hands...
With coke being the drink of choice for the boys the previous night, Sunday morning saw people waking with clearer heads, and I guess the thought of maybe doing well in this competition. Up against Linton Army, a New Zealand side we were given a much more physical game compared to the two previous. We took the lead early on, and it turned out to be our only points for the game. The Linto boys too well drilled in this form of the game. The final score being 19-5.
With the rugby finished the drinking started, the hard earned team funds being put to good use, rather than fooling ourselves into thinking not too much would be drank a keg was bought and several rounds of Jameson Irish Whiskey. (For those of you concerned that money was just drank away, you will be pleased to know that there were group meals paid for, Paul putting the buffet to good use and eating a plate of limes and cherry tomatoes, and it also went towards paying for some day trips when in Phuket). Alcohol had to wait for Geoff and Mark as a compliment to their ability and how well they played over the two days they were asked to stand by for the for Linton Army in the semi-finals (a game in which they lost as well but were definitely stars).
Before the completion of the tournament, a Perth-Bayswater player put himself into the history books as being the first person in 10 years to streak at this competition. Probably not the smartest thing ever done, Thai jails aren't known for their comfort, but it had to be done!! The Competition ended up being won by an invitational side made up of ex-international 7's players from England, Scotland and Fiji. The day was wrapped up with a prize ceremony back at the hotel, where the food was good and the alcohol was flowing nicely. A big thanks must go out to Jamie and Lex for all their efforts in getting to Thailand for a very memorable trip!
| HELLO SAILOR |
| 12 NOVEMBER 2004 |
Two visiting New Zealand war ships (that's the entire Royal New Zealand Navy, isn't it?) are in port this weekend, teaching the Aussies how not to blow up their own supply ships and other nautical tips. Perth-Bayswater will be hosting rugby teams from these vessels for matches at Morley Reserve on Saturday 13 November at 3 pm. This is an open invitation for anyone who would like to see some quality rugby and enjoy a beer or nine in the WA spring sunshine.
And on Sunday, don't forget the Super 14 supporters rally at Subiaco Oval at 11 am, promoting a Super 14 team for Western Australia.
| CAMP STAALWEDGE REVISITED |
| 3 NOVEMBER 2004 |
The boys from B Grade travelled up to the notorious hideout of the "Westaway Gang" at Wedge Island for their end of season team trip. The team set off from the club early on Saturday morning with plenty of liquid supplies with the help of club barmaid, Shelly, who was kind enough to get up early so her best customers wouldn't run dry on their overnight camp. Led by ace manager "Grunter", a convoy of four 4WD's set off with a stop on the way to pick up chef and host Peter Westaway who had also packed an extra couple of pairs of undies for this trip just in case.
When we hit the beach at Lancelin things were going well with Grunter breezing through the first bit of soft sand until Dwain in his Hilux decided to get bogged, which blocked the way for the rest of us. Luckily Grunter was able to quickly free the trapped Toyota and with tyre pressure dropped it was smooth sailing along the beach to Wedge. On arrival at the shack we set up camp and while the younger guys went down the beach for a game of touch rugby (won by the Kiwis over the Aussies) a couple of us older blokes helped Westy with lunch while enjoying a few beers.
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| Bert finds Westy's discarded soiled jocks from preseason camp mishap |
After a lunch of hot dogs with the works we headed off to spend the rest of the afternoon four wheel driving along the beach and up into the massive sand dunes that surround the area. Everyone managed to get stuck at least once but it was man mountain Dwain "the Train" Barr who found it a lot harder to plough through the sand than he does opposition backs. Dwain managed to get stuck at least half a dozen times and in the end his co-drivers Weed and Fonz decided to leave Debbie's "snatch" strap permanently attached to the tow bar of his Hilux. Grumps convinced Fridge to let him drive as he wanted to test drive a Jackaroo before he buys one so the Kelvinator handed over the keys and away they went with Bubs and Curly in the back. This may have been a mistake as Grumps is now firmly hooked on 4W Driving and it took a while to get the keys back from him. He spent that evening in a state of pissed bliss dreaming of buying his first 4WD.
Back to camp for dinner which Westy had organized -- a barbecue which was cooked by Bert. After more beer and a fantastic feed it was time for the Aussies to even the score with a game of darts against the Kiwis. Shane "Public" Barr had brought along two of his mates, Alister "Dumb Arse" and Gov "The Air Sucking Pom" (Westy reckons that the reason why poms have such big noses is because they love sucking in all that free Australian air). It was soon obvious to the Kiwi team that all Aussie mine workers do when working away in the bush is play darts (when they are not wanking in the showers). The Aussies won the darts easily so pride was restored and the rest of the evening was spent around the camp fire drinking piss while listening to Westy's countless stories late into the night. Next morning it was bacon, eggs, baked beans and toast for breakfast followed by a swim before heading back home.
| ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING |
| 20 OCTOBER 2004 |
The Annual General Meeting of the Perth-Bayswater RUFC Inc will be held at the clubrooms on Sunday 14 November at 11 am. Buisness will include the annual reports and auditor's reports, election of officers, and general business. The meeting will conclude with the customary President's Shout.
| COACHES WANTED |
| 20 OCTOBER 2004 |
Applications are invited for coaches for all grades for the 2005 season: Premier, Reserve, A Grade, B Grade, Under 19 and Women. Applications should be in writing and addressed to The Secretary, Perth-Bayswater RUFC Inc, PO Box 422, Morley WA 6062, or by email to Mark Curlew mark@cpsfilene.com.
| SOUTH AFRICAN TOUR SUCCESS |
| 12 OCTOBER 2004 |
This report from our South African guests, thanks to Adnaan Mohamed and Peter Holmes.
The 108-year old Cape-based, Hamediehs Rugby club one of the oldest rugby clubs in South Africa, recently returned from a successful two week tour of Perth, Australia, where they played three exciting matches against tough opposition. They narrowly lost the first game, won the second and drew the final encounter.
The first clash against Perth-Bayswater was a closely contested encounter with both sides scoring one unconverted try. It was a physical affair with the much lighter Hamediehs pack standing up well to the heavier home side forwards. Perth-Bayswater however managed to secure victory via three well-taken penalty goals to Hamediehs' one, making the final score 14-8.
The return match against Perth-Bayswater played mid-week under floodlights produced thrilling rugby. It was a high scoring match with both sides running the ball from all corners of the park. The lead changed hands several times. With around five minutes remaining Hamediehs were down 26-31. Hamediehs had to dig deep and showed tremendous resolve to run in two long range tries in quick succession with their mobile forwards and fleet-footed backs combining magnificently to seal victory in the final minutes of the game to make the final score 38-31.
Hamediehs were buoyed by this victory which gave the guys much needed confidence for the deciding encounter against a combined Western Australian Invitational club side that included several New Zealand Maoris. The Hamediehs tactic of spreading the ball wide and stretching the heavier opposition pack worked well on the day. They ran the ball at every opportunity and their first try was a brilliant individual effort by their left wing Baakie Mohamed, who after receiving the ball from a full backline movement, cut inside and wrong- footed several defenders to score under the post. Hamediehs' flyhalf, Faiz Benjamin was unlucky to hit the upright with the conversion which was crucial to the final outcome of the game. Hamediehs missed several other try scoring opportunities through wrong options and dropped passes. The combined Western Australian side, with their strong running Maoris posed a constant threat on attack but the resolute Hamediehs defence managed to hold them out until the final minute when their winger beat several tackles to score. The conversion was missed and the whistle blew soon afterwards with the score locked on 5-5.
The final clash of the day was between a New Zealand Maori side versus The Rest of the World. Five Hamediehs players had the honour of being included in the Rest of the World side and the highlight for them was facing up to a stirring rendition of the Haka by the New Zealand Maori side. This match provided spectacular rugby with bone-crunching hits. No kicking was allowed except for the restarts and kicking to into touch from penalties.
"It was a fitting climax to the tour which will forever live on in the memories of all the players," said Shafiek Alexander the oldest player on tour who celebrated his 39th birthday on Friday, October 1.
"The hospitality of the expatriate South African community and the Australians were overwhelming. The tour was a success on and off the field where the guys bonded, forged lifelong friendships and gained invaluable life experience. People from diverse backgrounds were brought together with rugby as the uniting entity," said proud club president Faried Berdien. As a result the Perth Bayswater Rugby Club has accepted an invitation to tour South Africa in 2006.
| ANNUAL DINNER TRIUMPH |
| 10 OCTOBER 2004 |
A top night at the Dianella Hotel in (surprisingly) Dianella for the 2004 Perth-Bayswater Annual Dinner and Trophy Presentation saw the usual non-stop cavalcade of inspirational speeches, first class food and drink, exceptionally well merited awards, and some optimistic attempts at dancing.
President Ray Goodall welcomed the sophisticated audience, MC Rick Boyd made his usual inept jokes, and it was straight into the dinner and Awards.
A great pleasure to welcome Steve and Di Scholes back into the club after wandering through various parts of New Zealand and Queensland, and a delight to have former first grade and state rep Darren Murphy back in the fold, after his award-winning exploits with the big boys in Brisbane.
Congratulations to the awards winners, notably first grade best and fairest (Cale McCort); Players' Player (Ash Murphy); the Allan Hill Award for Courage and Commitment (Darren Horne -- about time a fifth grader was recognised too); Coach of the Year (Steve Wharerau, Reserve Grade); Clubman of the Year (Paul Danneford); Clubwoman of the Year (Kelly Buist); and the President's Trophy (Debbie Shelford).
| OUR GIRLS LEAD THE WAY |
| 20 SEPTEMBER 2004 |
Congratulations to Perth-Bayswater Women's team, who won their grand final over Wests/Lions 26-0, the only Perth-Bayswater senior team to bring home a flag in 2004. Congratulations also to Perth-Bayswater's Stacey Kilmister, pictured below, who won the State Women's Best and Fairest Trophy at the annual P.G.Hampshire dinner at the Esplanade Hotel on Wednesday 15 September.
| B GRADE OUT ON TKO |
| 11 SEPTEMBER 2004 |
Mike "The Prince of Whales" Jones being subjected to the unsavoury sexual practices of a Wests' prop
Photo by Christian Sprogoe |
The gallant lads from B Grade have been harpooned by the technocrats of the Rugby WA and have been disqualified out of the rugby finals. The reason given is that according to them we played an ineligible player in our victorious 17-13 win over Wests last weekend in the minor semi-final at Perry Lakes. The player in question was Darren "Truncheon" Horne, who has played prop for us all season, and for the past God knows how many seasons, but due to the commitment of the Perth-Bayswater Rugby Club to play specialised players in the front row at all times, and avoid the farce of uncontested scrums, he has made himself available for other grades as a reserve. We could have done what some other clubs do and falsify our team sheets, but the club has a duty of care to adhere to and if a player is badly injured while playing under a false name it could open up the club and rugby union to legal action if the insurance would not cover the player because his real name does not appear on the team sheet.
B Grade as a team was not prepared to put a false name on the team sheet in the game against Wests and now an ever-unrealistic Rugby WA is making us pay the price for our honesty. Maybe it is time that the Chief Executive Officer and his staff got out to a few clubs on Saturdays and saw first hand how unrealistic it is to have spare front rowers for every grade. He should have got some sort of a hint of this when his own club, Palmyra, couldn't even field a front row in a Premier GRade game at Perry Lakes just two weeks ago.
This needs to be looked at for next season so if a front rower appears on the sheet for a lower grade he does not become ineligible for finals if he is required to play at times for a higher grade. The lads chewed over the matter on Thursday night at the club with a few beers and a sausage sizzle with, of course, our sponsors Chevrup Sausages product on the BBQ. The general feeling was that at least we finished the season with a win and that what is needed is an end of season camp at the Westaway Gang's hideout at Wedge.
| WE WUZ ROBBED! |
| 5 SEPTEMBER 2004 |
The police are on the lookout for a man in white today after a blatant case of daylight robbery at Perry Lakes. Perth-Bayswater Reserve Grade should have come away with a win in the minor semi-final but were thwarted by 16 men.
Cottesloe drew first blood, scoring a try in the corner after ten minutes. The men in black struck back ten minutes later when flyhalf Julian Dunn shot through in close. Julian converted himself from dead in front to lead 7-5. The lead lasted three minutes until Cott landed a fairly difficult penalty. A big break by halfback Mark Hill and a sideline run by wing Tubs Junior came within inches of scoring but were run down by a despicably swift fat blindside flanker with a foul tackle that was ignored by the ref. The 8-7 score remained on the board until half time and reflected a mostly even first half.
The boys in black opened the second half with a big forward charge up the centre of the paddock which ended with inside centre Jeff Martin barging over for the try. Julian converted from a moderate angle to take the lead 14-8. Cott went into a period of attack but Perth was equal to the task until a string of Seagull errors let them escape. A string of penalties, some quite imaginative, put Cott back on attack, with the final penalty being kicked from dead in front. Cott followed with a massive charge by the aforementioned fat no.6 for a try to surge back in front. The conversion gave Cott an 18-14 lead. Perth came back on attack to miss a penalty kick and then bomb a certain try by ignoring an overlap. They continued to hammer Cott's line and scored a big barging try that blind Freddy could see was a five pointer, but the ref somehow imagined it was held up. The game finished a minute later and the ref was escorted from the field by his seeing eye dog.
| B GRADE THE A TEAM |
| 4 SEPTEMBER 2004 |
Wests-Subiaco got away to a flying start in the B Grade minor semi final against Perth-Bayswater at Perry Lakes. They scored an unconverted try from a charge down immediately following the start of the game, and followed up with a try from a forward drive from a penalty lineout after ten minutes, to lead 10-0. Wests kept the boys in black pinned in their half for half an hour, aided by the usual astronomical B Grade error and penalty count, and the devastating loss of ace strike weapon, The Fridge, when the sellotape and rubber bands holding his right knee together failed under pressure. Then a knock on turned over possession and Perth spun the ball on the blindside for wing Keith "the Flash" Turner to sprint down the side line untouched, coming around in goal to touch down under the crossbar.
Flyhalf Shane "Public" Barr converted from in front and Wests had a slender 3 point lead for all their hard work. Minutes later a cowardly head high on team strongman Handsome Danny Vella sent Wests' loosehead prop to the sin bin and Perth finished the half on attack, trailing 10-7.
Wests continued their bad habits with a penalty kick for hands in the rock a minute into the second half. We can only applaud the enthusiam of the Referees' Association in allowing a work experience ref to take charge of this game and we certainly don't blame him for not having all the sections of the rule book under his belt yet (unlike all B Grade players). But exactly why Perth lock Japie was yellow carded for Wests' blatant cheating in the ruck remains something of a mystery. But the boys in black were not dismayed, being used to playing 16 men, and lifted to battle back into contention. Then, after 20 minutes, the backs ran blind from a ruck to the right of the posts and centre Daniel "Curly" Curlew scored.
Public Barr converted from a moderate angle to steal the lead for the first time, 14-13. Minutes later Public added a penalty to sneak ahead 17-13. Wests threw everything at the magnificent men in black in the closing stages, but the men in black were equal to the task and held their line until the full time whistle.
Some of the heroic Wests players seemed a trifle disgruntled about their unseemly fall from grace, and one even took a flying kick at an innocent plastic chair on the sidelines. Tsk tsk. Such manners. The Mighty Black Machine will now continue through the labyrinthine five-team finals process next week, when they play the Elimination Final, where they meet Curtin.
| SEASON ENDS ON HIGH NOTE |
| 30 AUGUST 2004 |
Premier Grade finished their season on a high with a 53-5 hiding of the unfortunate Palmyra team, revenging their pathetic 20-17 loss in round 9. Palmyra have been so weakened this season by whatever internal torments that club suffers, that they forfeited second grade, and they don't field an A grade or a B Grade side. The season is over for Premier Grade, finishing in a disappointing seventh place.
Reserve Grade won by default and will go on to play the Minor Semi-final against Cottesloe at Perry Lakes on Sunday at 2 pm. A Grade went down to Southern Lions 45-10 and their season is over too, with a less than stellar 13th placing in a 15 team competition. B Grade defeated Southern Lions 39-3 and will play in the complicated five-team B Grade finals series, starting with the Minor Semi-final against Wests-Subiaco at Perry Lakes on Saturday at 12.30 pm. Under 19s again forfeited their game and the problem of finding 15 players under 19 years of age not too busy with important things like roller blades and gameboys continues to trouble the club.
B Grade (sponsored by Direct Doors & Chevrup Sausages) defeated Southern Lions One 39-3 at Murdoch on Saturday. On a cold but fine afternoon it was the Lions who put on the early pressure with countless attacks at the Perth line but the black defence held firm and after more than ten minutes of being repulsed, the Lions called on Richie John to slot over a penalty to take a 3-0 lead. Whether this was a good idea or not must be questioned as it let Perth out of its half for the first time and the lads made the most of it by getting a turnover, then hitting up for second and third phase ball before finally moving the ball wide to "Fridge", who shrugged of a couple of weak tackles to score black's first try. This seemed to awaken the team and it wasn't long before Darren "Chachi" Megaw slipped a pass to his left for Craig Robinson to score, for a 12-3 led. "Chachi" then added his own name to the score sheet when he dotted down, converted for a half time lead of 19-3.
The Lions came out in the second half full of steam and threw everything at Perth but the defence again held firm and it wasn't long before the boys in black moved back into the Lions' half. "Chachi" scored his second try after a big Handsome Danny Vella break which seemed to break the spirit of the Lions and open the floodgates. Next to score was Daniel "Curly" Curlew when he and Wayne "Bubs" Salter chased up a kick. They tackled the Lions' winger who had decided to try and out-run them, only to cough up the ball for "Curly" to collect it for an unopposed run to the line. Dwain "The Train" Barr scored twice in the dying stages of the game to take the score to 39-3.
Some performances of note came from "Ponderous" who niggled his opposite in the front row so much that we feared that the hapless Lions prop was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Also there may be a case for dope testing as the performance of "Fungus" was beyond belief. He was everywhere on Saturday from dashing breaks at fly half to getting involved with the forwards in winning second phase ball. Further to our concerns that he may be taking horse growth hormones was that after the game he wanted a feed bag instead of a beer and his dick has grown an extra twelve inches. (So now it's 13 inches, right? -- Ed.) B Grade now plays Wests at 12.30 pm on Saturday the 4th of September at Perry Lakes in the minor semi final.
| RESERVES RACE TOWARDS FINALS |
| 24 AUGUST 2004 |
Reserve Grade continued their impressive dash to the finals with a convincing 58-14 thrashing of Associates, keeping them at third on the table and set for the minor semi-final in two weeks.
Premier Grade showed improvement but was unable to put any points on the scoreboard against Soaks, losing 24-0 in their Home Building Society rugby union match at Morley on Saturday. Associates scored two tries in each half and held out several strong attacks from Perth-Bayswater. The last time the two sides met, Associates scrum pushed Perth-Bayswater's around at will, denying Perth-Bayswater much possession during the game.
Perth-Bayswater showed it had made up ground by performing strongly in set pieces, but could not penetrate Associates defences. All of Associates tries came from the teams ability to create an overlap in the backs and spread the ball wide. Perth-Bayswater's back row performed well with Eugene Maxwell and Gareth Cherrington making several strong runs and solid tackles, while Cahill McCourt stood out as the best Perth-Bayswater player on the field. Perth-Bayswater play their last game of the season against Palmyra this Sunday, which they must win to ensure they remain a respectable distance above the bottom of the ladder.
In other games, A grade lost 16-5, B grade won 19-7, the under 19s lost 12-43 and Perth-Bayswater women beat University 84-0.
B Grade (sponsored by Direct Doors and Chevup Sausages) defeated Associates Gold 19-7 at Morley Reserve on Saturday. Both teams struggled for numbers with Perth just managing to scrape up fifteen and Soaks starting with thirteen men. Uncontested scrums were agreed on as Perth was struggling for a prop so with Soaks short on numbers it made the scrums a bit fairer. On a ground in the worst condition due to heavy rain and bad drainage that I have seen in my nineteen seasons at the club, it was always going to be difficult to produce a high scoring game.
Perth was first to score when Japie fed the ball to Andy "Evergreen" Keene from a lineout close to Soaks' line and the rest of the pack drove Andy over the line for a great forward try. Next to score was "Chief" who was on the end of a great break by the boys in black to score under the posts, which was converted by Dwain for a 12 - 0 lead. Perth dotted down again from the kick off when "Fungus" slipped the ball to "Fridge" on the blindside, who took off downfield, bumping off a couple of defenders before feeding it to Darren "Chachi" Megaw to score near the posts. Dwain "the Train" Barr slotted over the conversion to make it 19-0. Just before half time Perth was denied their fourth try when again they drove the ball from a lineout with Andy Keene and Craig Robinson both going over the line with hands on the ball to score but the ref disallowed it as he deemed that Andy had run into Craig -- so a scrum was awarded to Soaks for accidental offside.
After half time, Soaks picked up their game with an injection of some fresh players to make the numbers even. After a lot of pressure they were awarded a penalty try when a Perth player interfered with a Soaks player as he was about to regather a kick and score. The conversion made the score 19-7 and the addition of more points to the score was prevented by good defence from both teams. Other good performances of note from Perth were by Daniel "Curly" Curlew who played well at center, Steve Fink and John Steinbech who played well in the forwards.
| THREE TEAMS SET FOR FINALS |
| 16 AUGUST 2004 |
RESERVE GRADE jumped a place to third on the table with their 39-10 defeat of Cottesloe at Perry Lakes on Sunday, cementing their spot in the finals in two weeks time. It was vital win with a game against second-placed Wests-Subiaco next week before finishing off the season with lowly Palmyra. Joining them in the finals will certainly be the wonderfully performed WOMEN'S TEAM who racked up another hiding on Saturday, 61-12 over Cottesloe. And of course the ever-fabulous B GRADE aka Filthy Fifths, who defeated ARKs 27-15 to keep a grip on their fifth spot on the table.
PREMIER GRADE, however, did not share in the celebration despite a 20 point improvement in their losing margin from last week. Their 33-3 loss to Cottesloe at Perry Lakes helped the beach boys leapfrog Neddies towards a spot in the major semi final. Cott dominated territory from the opening but Perth-Bayswater defended stoutly and disrupted the Seagull's ball until 20 minutes in. Cottesloe ran the ball wide and then slipped a pass back inside for their right wing to score close to the corner. Relentless attack from Cottesloe led to a string of offside penalties against the boys in black, and eventually a yellow card. From a penalty lineout, Cott's fullback cut through the depleted defence to score under the posts. Cottesloe converted from point blank range to lead 12-0 on the half hour. Perth-Bayswater staged a minor resurgence late in the half but bungled a wraparound pass. Cott's flyhalf hacked the ball ahead, followed up to regather and score close to the posts. It was converted and Cott were well on their way at 19-0.
Perth-Bayswater opened the second half in aggressive form but sloppy handling deprived them of points. They settled for a penalty kick to inside centre Geoff Martin after 12 minutes. Cottesloe resumed normal service and five minutes on ran multiple phases from a penalty lineout. Perth's defence cracked and their flanker cut through to score close in. Cott slotted the simple conversion to go ahead 26-3 and claim the bonus point. Perth-Bayswater competed fiercely in the final 20, even if it was almost all in their own half. Cott bagged one final try to their left wing on the counter attack just before full time and converted for a 33-3 winning score.
B GRADE (Sponsored by Direct Doors and Chevrup Sausages) won 27 - 15 against Arks at John Dunn Oval on Saturday to keep their finals hopes alive, and put Arks out of contention. Arks were first to score when they quickly moved the ball from a ruck and sent it out wide for their wing to dot down in the corner. Perth came straight back at them and launched attack after attack at the Arks line until finally their defence cracked and Lionel "Richie" Johnson scooped up a loose ball and barged his way over the line to score Perth's first try, evening the score at 5 all. Arks replied with another try to take the score to 10-5, again scoring out wide in the same corner although the movement appeared to involve a forward pass. Perth's next try was the result of quick hands from inside backs "The Fonz" and Wayne "Bubs" Salter, moving the ball to "The Fridge" on the wing to score and even the score at 10 all. Not long after, Perth scored out wide when the inside backs again moved the ball quickly to the wing which allowed Keith "The Flash" Turner to scorch past his opposite number and dot down. The boys in black went into half time 15-10 up.
With the wind at their backs in the second half, Perth's cunning plan was to kick the ball deep down into Arks territory and contest the lineout. With Japie dominating at the front of the line out and Darren "Quick Draw" Megaw and John Steinbeck cleaning up any loose ball, this tactic worked well and allowed the backs plenty of ball to play with. This resulted in Bubs putting our fullback in for a try to take the score to 22 - 10 after the conversion. Unfortunately Perth decided to have a bit of rest (as you do in this grade when 12 points up) and Arks managed a try in the forwards to make the game interesting at 22 - 15. This prompted the boys in black to get back into the game and it was up to Dwayne "The Train" Barr, who had been causing Arks trouble all day with his running game from fly half, to slip a pass in the tackle to "Bubs" who zipped in for the final try.
It seems that Keith Turner is not known as "The Flash" just because of how fast he runs. We understand that he was stretching on the side line with his legs apart while reserving for A Grade and Big Bad Bob Cooper yelled out to him that he should be giving his old fella a stretch as well. "The Flash" decided to take Bob's advice and popped out the tackle to take matters in hand. Unknown to Keith there were two young ladies sitting directly behind him and both got an eyefull. We are not sure if the smile on their faces was due to unexpected delight, or if they were just holding back gales of laughter.
| PREMIERS NEDDIES' ROADKILL |
| 8 AUGUST 2004 |
With just three weeks left in the Home Building Society rugby competition, Perth-Bayswater Premier Grade's hopes of making the finals from a distant seventh place are mathematical only. Perhaps a lack of interest, combined with the feeble efforts of a certain other team in black in Sydney over the weekend, inspired their 66-13 demolition by Nedlands at Perry Lakes. Perth-Bayswater dominated general play for periods but struggled to finish while Nedlands' polished skills guaranteed it hit the money virtually every time the team was in the 22.
Perth-Bayswater fired early and gained a penalty for holding on in front of the posts. Flyhalf Toby Hohapata converted from a handy position. Nedlands replied immediately when their halfback shot unmarked through the ruins of a ruck for the softest of tries under the posts. Their flyhalf converted from dead in front to lead 7-3 after 5 minutes. Perth-Bayswater were right in the play but a slow clearance in defence was punished when the ball was charged down and followed up for another easy five points. Neddies converted to race ahead 14-3. Perth-Bayswater dominated the next twenty minutes but only threatened on a couple of occasions. Nedlands finished the half stronger with immediate results when their lock scored in a forward drive from a penalty lineout. It was converted from the sideline. Neddies scored in the other corner minutes later from a sweeping back line run and added another from a display of slick passing and running just before half time. Neddies added one conversion for a healthy 33-3 half time lead.
Perth-Bayswater's second half game of kicking and forward charges again gained them continued position and this time points as well. After several big forward charges the ball went wide from a quick ruck and centre Nathan McCort cut through for the try. But any hopes of a repeat of last year's win from 26 points down were short-circuited when a turnover gave Nedlands attacking ball and an overlap to score in the corner. Four more tries and conversions followed in quick order as the floodgates opened and the score shot past the half century. To their credit, the boys in black never gave up and attacked strongly in the dying minutes to gain the last word with a try out wide to reserve forward Tony Ansell, adding a speck of respectability in the 66-13 massacre.
| REDEMPTION FOR PREMIERS |
| 25 JULY 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater Premier Grade earned a little redemption with a 14-7 win over University at Morley Reserve on Saturday. Premiers started the year full of promise after finishing an improving fifth in 2003. But they have collapsed against lower-table opposition in recent weeks and badly needed a win to salvage their season.
The teams tested each other's defences for 25 minutes without a score of any kind threatening. Perth-Bayswater finally inched ahead with a long-range penalty kick from flyhalf Toby Hohapata for hands in the ruck. Perth-Bayswater hammered Uni's line late in the half but their only reward was another penalty to Hohapata from a handy position. Then Ref Graeme "Barty" Hallowell came to Uni's rescue with a controversial penalty try for a head high tackle in the corner. Their fullback added the gift conversion from in front and Uni went into the break 7-6 up.
Perth-Bayswater had their revenge in the opening minutes of the second half when a sweeping back line move put wing Danny Hobbs over in the corner, hospitalising the touch judge with a broken ankle in the process. They went further ahead ten minutes on when Hohapata slotted another penalty for killing the ball, going ahead 14-7. Perth-Bayswater were reduced to 14 men midway through the spell after Eugene Maxwell told Barty what he thought about his perforamce but a cool kicking game under pressure kept them out of the danger area. The men in black turned the screws as time ran out, pinning Uni behind their 22 and pummelling their line, showing their confidence by opting for an attacking lineout from a handy penalty, but without further score.
B Grade (sponsored by Direct Doors and Chevrup Sausages) was the only team to lose on Saturday when they went down 15-10 to University. Perth was first to score when Shane "Public" Barr slotted over a penalty after a concerted attack by Perth led to Uni killing the ball at a ruck near their line. Perth's lead was short-lived however when Uni scored a try, sucking all Perth's defenders in near the line and then moved the ball to the left for an unopposed run over the line. They followed up with a penalty to lead 8-3. Perth was not having any luck with the ref who seemed intent on blowing the boys in black off the park and was not forthcoming with reasons why he was awarding so many penalties when questioned by captain Dwayne " The Train" Barr. To top it all off he decided to sin bin Tom "The Desert Madman" Lynch just before half time for playing the ball from an offside position even through Tom was the tackler. Uni took advantage of the extra man and scored another try which was converted to lead 15-3 at half time.
Harsh words from ace manager "Grunter" followed by a team talk from Dwayne and Lionel "Richie" Johnson at half time fired up the boys into taking control of the second half. Mike "Prince of Whales" Jones gave his opposite number a hard time around the scrums with all his old tricks on show, causing the hapless Uni halfback to loose his cool on a few occasions. Japie aka Wayne "Bakkies" Campbell followed up his recent good form with another sterling display in the forwards and was well supported by Handsome Danny Vella who made a guest apearance in the second half. Unfortunately the good performance by the forwards in the second half was not matched by the backs who had an indifferent day with some poor passing and bad options so it was up to the forwards to do the job. Tom "Mad Man" Lynch fresh from his rest in the sin bin was driven over the line by the forwards for a well-deserved try, which was converted to take the score to 15-10. Unfortunately Perth was unable to score again even though they mounted attack after attack.
It was a good performance from the B grade considering Uni had stacked its team with players from higher grades so they could win this game and still have a slim chance of making the finals as they have no chance in any of the other grades. This was clear to see when their A grade ran out to play against our A grade and was thrashed by our boys due to the fact that it contained what should have been their B Grade.
Some of the boys ducked over to the Morley Ale House owned by club legend Andrew Hine to watch the Springboks and All Blacks game live on the big screen. As we know, the South Africans led for the whole match and a certain Japie we all know and love grew in confidence as the match progressed and let the assembled Kiwis know all about it. As fate would have it, the men from Godzone scored in the last minute and won the game but an unnamed All Black supporter gave the heartbroken Japie one jibe too many and just to show what good sports South Africans are, Japie floored him with one punch. A good thing the Japie was not relying on his team mates for suppport as they joined in and managed to get a few good ones in on the sore loser before ejecting him from the bar. Fortunately Nelson Mandela (or was it Keith in a mask?) was there to avert an international incident and an apology from the Japie to the Kiwi settled the matter.
| PREMIERS CRASH TO ROOS |
| 17 JULY 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater fell short of victory yet again, going down 19-17 to Wanneroo in their Home Building Society rugby union game at Kingsway on Saturday. A missed penalty kick to end the game could have given Perth-Bayswater the win but they had already squandered chances to take the game earlier.
Perth-Bayswater's first try came through the backs with winger Joel McIvor touching down and Geoff Martin converting. Wanneroo equaled the score soon after the restart after handling errors from Perth-Bayswater gave them back the ball. Perth Bayswater flanker Eugene Maxwell put Perth-Bayswater back in front and they led 14-7 at half time.
However, Wanneroo took charge in the second half, keeping in touch with one try and then taking the lead with another two minutes from full time. Meanwhile Perth-Bayswater yet again failed to take advantage of opportunities to spin the ball wide.
Other Perth-Bayswater teams had more reasons to celebrate, with the Reserve Grade handing out a 42-0 hiding to Wanneroo. A Grade and B Grade played Midland at Farrell Oval with the continually-improving A Grade finally registering a win, 20-12, thanks to the B Grade tiring many of Midland's players in the earlier game which they won 46-10.
B Grade (sponsored by Direct Doors and Chevrup Sausages) traveled to Stratton on Saturday to take on the boys from Midland who almost all seem to have played for Perth Bayswater at one time in the past. The team started short with only thirteen players which resulted in Midland scoring the first points of the match until a couple of extras put their boots on to bring the numbers up to fifteen and put Perth back on an even footing. This resulted in Perth scoring a try through fullback Wayne "Bubs" Salter who sliced into the backline and out pacing the Midland defense for the first of his two tries of the day. The lads then followed this up with a try to flanker Darren "Quick Draw" Megaw who was on hand to take an inside pass from the Fridge, who had just made a storming break up the side line before feeding it to Darren just before the line.
The try of the day however must go to Jappie who pounced on a loose ball from Midland. He then fed it to Tony Ansell who took it up towards the line only to be tackled short, so he flicked it back in field where the Big South African was on hand to scoop up the ball and dive over for a great try -- yes Japie, you are our hero!!! Other try scorers on the day were J.T., Andy "Evergreen" Keen, Fridge and Tony Ansell. Andy Keen's try was just reward for his all round good performance with a number of tightheads taken from his opposite number. Other stand-out performers on the day were J.T. who was in the thick of it all day, Darren Horne, Big Bad Bob Cooper who propped with distinction and Bert "Two Left Feet" Bothwell who took plenty of lineout ball. In the end the boys in black ran out 46-10 winners over Midland which was a good result considering how they started short.
The team's new set of jumpers don't look so smart now that most of the numbers are hanging off or have come off completely. Turns out that Japie had the responsibility of washing them after the muddy game against Wests the other week. Poor old Japie couldn't get them clean even with the use of a new washing machine he had brought his wife so he rang good mate Handsome Danny Vella for some advice on how to get them clean. Danny advised him that he needed to wash in warm water to get them clean but unfortunately Japie doesn't know the difference between warm and hot water. Away he went and did the washing in boiling hot water which resulted in most of the numbers coming of and now all the jumpers are a snug fitto say the least.
| WESTS STEAL CLOSE GAME |
| 5 JULY 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater remains unfamiliar with the happy feeling of winning a rugby game after Wests-Subiaco gave them a 63-7 drubbing at Rosalie Park on Saturday. Perth-Bayswater never looked like scoring as the reigning premiers and competition front-runners took them apart to score 48 points in the second half. Perth-Bayswater has lost six games in a row in a steady slide down the ladder since beating University on May 16. Perth-Bayswater's dynamic running backline was hampered by steady rain and a heavy ground and Wests-Subiaco were able to grind Perth-Bayswater down to pave the way for their second half try-buffet.
Perth-Bayswater started the game steadily and even briefly gained the upper hand, taking play to within five metres of Wests-Subiaco's try line before turning over possession. It took Wests 10 minutes to score their first points and 20 minutes for their first try, which came from pick and drive work by their forwards before the Wests-Subiaco backs created an overlap. Perth-Bayswater's only chance at any points in the half was a drop-goal attempt by Jules Dunn which went wide. Wests-Subiaco kicked repeatedly at fullback Matt Sefton, who was solid under pressure but Perth-Bayswater's counter-attack never looked likely to amount to much. A penalty in the 25th minute led to Wests' second try and although they did not score again in the half, Wests-Subiaco clearly thought they had the upper hand, opting to run the ball rather than kick for points when awarded penalties.
Wests-Subiaco scored a try in the fourth minute of the second half and then again in the 10th, 14th, 20th and 22nd minutes before a chip kick found its way to Perth-Bayswater second-rower Jonathan Stanley who was lingering around Wests-Subiaco's try line after a previous breakdown of play. The ball fell into his arms, he fell on to the ground and the referee, judging him onside to the bewilderment of the crowd, awarded the try. Perth-Bayswater converted and that would be all their points for the game as Wests-Subiaco got on with the job of racking up points.
Other grades were equally luckless with the reserves losing 19-15, A grade going down 34-5 and colts losing to ARKS 19-11.
B Grade (Sponsored by Direct Doors and Chevrup Sausages) lost to West's 13-5 in a gutsy effort at Rosalie on Saturday. The team was in danger of defaulting fifteen minutes from kick off due to a number of players being out with the flu and injury but thanks to Kevin "Granddad" McKeagg and a couple of others from the A grade fronting up for a second game the B's were able to take the field.
The match kicked off in driving rain which persisted for most of the game which caused a lot of handling mistakes from both sides on a field that soon turned into a muddy bog. Perth was first to score when their outside backs chased up a Bubs Salter kick which Wests' fullback was unable to clear before he was flung to the ground. This caused a turn over which Bubs quickly passed out to Steve who dotted down in the corner. Wests replied later with a penalty and an unconverted try to lead 8-5. Perth was unlucky not to score right on half time when Bubs ran the ball from his own line before offloading to Steve who sprinted fifty meters only to have the ball knocked from his hands as he dived over the line.
The second half saw "Ponderous" take control of the front row, enabling Perth to dominate the scrums but for some reason the ref didn't like it and awarded the ball back to Wests every time Perth pushed them off their own ball, or when the scrum went ninety degrees. Handsome Danny Vella was in the thick of it all day and had the battle scars all over his back to prove he had put his body on the line (or the wrong side of the ruck when required), while Mike "Prince of Whales" Jones was at his niggly best. Unfortunately for Perth Westss took their only chance late in the second half to score a try to go to a 13-5 lead which Perth was unable to pull back even though they had a few chances near the end. It was a gutsy display from the team that really deserved at least a point from the match if not a win. As ace manager "Grunter" has been saying over the last few weeks that if we showed a bit more heart at times we would not have lost to some of the other teams that we know we should have beaten and we would be in the top four.
| PALY TAKE ANOTHER SCALP |
| 20 JUNE 2004 |
A penalty in the final minute sealed Perth-Bayswater's fate as they lost 20-17 to lowly Palmyra on Saturday. Perth-Bayswater had enough scoring opportunities to win the game and collect a bonus point for scoring more than four tries but was unable to finish off. Nonetheless, with five minutes left in the game they appeared to be cruising to a win at 17-12. Instead, Palmyra scored a try and a penalty to snatch victory and lift themselves off the bottom of the ladder.
Perth-Bayswater first five-eighth Toby Hohapata scored the first points of the game from an early penalty but the first try was scored by the Palmyra number 8 charging from the back of a scrum. Perth-Bayswater recaptured the lead soon after when a rampaging run by winger Andrew Hancy left Perth with a scrum 15 metres from Palmyra's try line. Perth-Bayswater spun the ball wide for winger Joel McIvor to take over the line. Hohapata converted to put the score at 10-7. Perth-Bayswater looked likely to score again with the ball moving wide and a one-man overlap but Palmyra's winger picked a flat pass, intercepted and raced for the corner to score against the run of play and give Palmyra a 10-12 lead at half time.
Perth-Bayswater had several chances to score in the second half, gaining back line overlaps with ease but failing to pass the ball wide. Palmyra put the pressure on Perth-Bayswater's back three by chipping overhead and nearly managed a second intercept but were unable to garner any points. In the 30th minute of the second half, first five-eighth Nathan McCourt, who replaced Dunn early in the half, kicked over the Palmyra backs to the corner and centre Richard Anderson collected the ball to score. Fullback Matt Sefton converted and Perth-Bayswater looked likely winners at 17-12. However, with five minutes to go, Palmyra found a way through Perth-Bayswater's forwards and, after the conversion was missed, the score was tied at 17-17. Both teams had opportunities to win the game in a feisty final five minutes. Perth-Bayswater won a penalty immediately after play resumed but replacement centre Geoff Martin's kick fell short. Palmyra attempted a field goal which was also short and it looked likely the game would end in a draw until Palmyra was awarded a penalty 40 metres out and 10 metres in from the touch line. The kick was successful, leaving Palmyra celebrating and Perth-Bayswater stunned in defeat.
In other games, reserve grade won 29-3, colts lost 25-10 and A grade lost 11-0.
B Grade (Sponsored by Direct Doors & Chevrup Sausages) went down to Curtin 27-17 in a close-fought match at Morley on Saturday. Perth should have had some indication that the students from Curtin were here to play for sheep stations when they noticed that the opposition was out warming up forty minutes before the game, and to top it off their Japie coach had a white board. This piece of technical equipment has never been seen or used in the history of Fifth Grade/Consolidated Cup rugby but these are strange times now that this grade has evolved into the present B Grade competition. Despite having to play a team with such a high IQ that they can understand a game plan devised on a white board, the intellectually challenged boys in black where first to score when the ball was used through the hands by the backs to send Ken "The Prestige Roof Man" in for a try out wide. Curtin responded soon after with a converted try to lead 7-5. Not to be out done, Perth scored another try though Wayne "Bubs" Salter, who crossed the line after the backs spun the ball wide for a 10-7 lead. Only to lose it again to Curtin soon after allowing in a soft try out wide to trail 14-10. The boys were soon back in front when the ref awarded a penalty try which was converted by Dwayne "The Train" Barr for a 17-14 half time lead to Perth.
The second half was closely fought but Curtin drew level with a penalty and then took a 20-17 point lead with ten minutes to go when their goal kicker slotted one from forty metres out. Perth was unlucky not to take the lead and the game when Fridge dotted down after gathering in a Mike "Prince of Whales" Jones chip kick only to be denied by Perth's own linesman Honest Mark Curlew who ruled that Fridge's foot had touched the line as he collected the ball. We may not be smart enough at Perth Bayswater to use a white board but we are honest so well done Mark. Unfortunately Perth was penalized after the lineout and was taken by surprise when Curtin took a quick tap and ran it from their own 22. The boys thought they had it covered and when a loose ball went forward made the mistake of not playing to the whistle thinking that it would be seen by the ref. The ref however had also been caught by surprise and was way back from play resulting in him missing it as well as the following forward pass which resulted in Curtin scoring a late converted try for a final score of 27-17.While Perth wandered off for a shower and cold beer they noticed more unusual behavior from Curtin in the form of a post match warm down complete with team talk by their coach followed by a game analysis. What is happening to this grade? Well done Ponderous for being early for the first time this year and playing well.
| PERTH SOAK UP PUNISHMENT |
| 13 JUNE 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater's scrum was decimated by Associates but solid defence prevented a rout as Perth-Bayswater went down 14-6 at Allen Park on Saturday. Perth-Bayswater's backs had to make do with whatever ball they could get as Associates pushed the forwards around at will in the scrums. It looked as though it might be a long afternoon for Perth-Bayswater when Associates scored a converted try about two minutes after the kick-off but these would be the last points scored in the half. Perth-Bayswater had opportunities to score, missing a penalty chance and, near the end of the half, a rare, stable scrum in Associates' 22 gave the backs a chance to spread the ball wide but back-rower Cale McCourt was pulled up short of the try-line.
Perth-Bayswater started the second half on the front foot and solid tackling from flanker Eugene Maxwell won them precious ball. However, seven minutes into the half, an attacking scrum turned to disaster for Perth-Bayswater as Associates pushed Perth-Bayswater off the ball to win a tight head. Associates backs spun the ball wide and broke through Perth-Bayswater's defence before desperate tackling forced a knock on 10m in front of Perth-Bayswater's tryline. Associates easily won another tight head and spun the ball wide for their winger to score next to the posts. A successful conversion put Perth-Bayswater 14-0 down. Three minutes later, centre Jeff Martin kicked Perth-Bayswater's first points from a penalty in front. Perth-Bayswater looked strong in attack, putting Associates defenders under pressure, but Soaks had simply to give away a scrum in order to win the ball back. Perth-Bayswater made several breaks through Associates' backline, including one from fullback Matt Sefton who ran the ball out of defence but lacked the speed to win a race for the tryline and was unable to find a support player with his pass. Martin scored a second three points for Perth-Bayswater in the 23rd minute after an Associates player was caught offside at a ruck. Perth-Bayswater was again unable to secure a bonus point and fall to seventh place on the ladder. Coach Jamie Hohapta said the team could at least take some positives from the game.
In other games, the reserves celebrated a 13-12 victory over Associates while the colts and A grade suffered heavy losses: the colts lost 53-0 and the A grade 49-0.
B Grade (Sponsored by Direct Doors & Chevup Sausages) went down to Associates Green 20 - 14 at Allen Park on Saturday. Soaks got the early jump on Perth and scored four unconverted tries in the first twenty minutes through a combination of well executed moves, luck and some poor defence on Perth's part. It looked as if the boys in black were in for a hiding as nothing was going right but when it was needed the team dug deep and were able to put some pressure on Soaks line late in the second half though some great territory-gaining kicks from Shane "Public" Barr. Perth's pack drove the ball at Soaks line and were rewarded with a try under the posts scored by Tom "Mad Man" Lynch which was converted for a 20-7 half time scoreline.
The game was very even in the second half with both sides having a chance to score but due to good defence neither team could manage to get the ball over the line. Perth had its chances but took some wrong options in the backs when at times the ball should have been moved through the hands. It was up to Wayne "Bubs" Salter to make the score look respectable when he entered the backline and received an inside pass from "Wazza" to score under the posts, which was converted giving Perth a bonus point from the game.
| INTERCEPTED BY COTT |
| 6 JUNE 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater never recovered from a Cottesloe length-of-the-field intercept try early in the second half of their game at Morley on Saturday. Cottesloe scored two unanswered tries in the second half to win 21-8.
The first half started evenly and an exchange of penalties left Cottesloe in front 6-3. Playing into the wind, Perth-Bayswater's forwards ground out territory against the bigger Cottesloe pack. The Morley team eventually capitalised on a line-out deep in Cottesloe's 22 with second-rower Jason Bastaja going over for the try to put Perth-Bayswater in front 8-6. First five-eighth Toby Hohapata was unable to convert and Perth-Bayswater did not score again.
Leading 8-6 at half time and looking menacing in attack, Perth-Bayswater's forwards camped in Cottesloe's 22. A back line movement looked likely to result in a try for winger Dennis Thompson but a brilliant intercept gave the try to Cottesloe and Perth-Bayswater never recovered. Cottesloe converted their runaway try for a 13-8 lead, and gained a new lease of life. After a penalty kick gave Cott an eight-point lead, the game receded from Perth-Bayswater's grasp. They defended stoutly for the remainder of the match but Cottesloe rubbed in their advantage with a try in the dying minutes. Cottesloe's win keeps them in touch with the top of the table and leaves Perth-Bayswater in sixth place behind University and Associates, who have won the same number of games but claimed more bonus points.
In other games, Reserves defeated Cottesloe 23-5, A grade were sunk 24-0 and B Grade resumed their customary mantle of invincibility, defeating Cott 22-12. Under 19s lost to Cottesloe 17-10 but the Perth-Bayswater Women scored a strong 32-0 win over Cott girls.
Brilliant B Grade (proudly Sponsored by Direct Doors & Chevups Sausages) had a well-earned 22 to 12 victory over Cottesloe at Morley Reserve on Saturday. Cottesloe pulled their non-contested scrum trick again which has become a bit of a joke now that it has gone on for over two seasons but the boys in black were ready for it this time with a cunning game plan devised by ace manager "Grunter". No points were scored in the first twenty minutes with Perth keeping the game tight. Perth made some concerted attacks at Cott's line with Dwayne The Train and The Fonz almost scoring but it was Cott who drew first blood when Japie missed a tackle to let in a converted try under the post. To be fair to Japie, this was his only real lapse in what was for him a very good all-round performance with himself and Bert "Two Left Feet" Bothwell taking almost all of Cottesloe's lineout ball. This try was soon answered by Dwayne "The Train" Barr, the Kingaroy Express, who powered his way in for a great try which made it 7 - 5. Handsome Danny Vella then made it 10 - 7 just before half time when he crashed over after he picked up a loose ball from the forwards who had been hammering Cott's line.
The second half saw Cott regain the lead when they pinched the ball from Perth near the line and crossed over for a unconverted try to lead 12 - 10. Perth replied ten minutes later when Noel "The Flying Fridge" Spittal received a great inside shoulder pass from a Handome Danny break to score in the corner, to make the score 15-12. This seemed to charge up the boys with Shaun "Ponderous" Ormrod, Lionel " Richie" Johnson, Darren "Truncheon" Horne, Andy "Evergreen" Keene and Pete the Prop charging it up in the forwards while outside backs Mike, Daniel "Curly" Curlew, Mark and Wayne " Bubs" Salter guided by a steady hand in the form of Fungus at fly half, ran the ball from everywhere. In the end though it was up to "Man of the Match" Handsome Danny Vella to score the last try for Perth to seal the win.
| KICKED OFF THE FORESHORE |
| 24 MAY 2004 |
Penalties and handling errors cost Perth-Bayswater dearly as they lost 21-13 to Nedlands in their round six Home Building Society rugby union match at the Nedlands Foreshore on Saturday.
Nedlands dominated possession and territory with three quarters of the game played in Perth-Bayswater's half. Perth-Bayswater never looked convincing although two second half tries made the score line appear less desperate and revealed the team's potential to counter-attack strongly.
Neither team looked settled early in the game although Nedlands, playing with the wind, showed more continuity in their backline. Nedlands went 3-0 up after a fourth-minute penalty. Perth-Bayswater first five-eighth Toby Dunn equalised the score from a ninth-minute penalty but Nedlands took a 6-3 lead soon after when Perth-Bayswater second-rower Michael Murphy was caught offside directly in front of goal. Perth-Bayswater were unable to piece together a cohesive backline movement although fullback Joel McIvor looked elusive running the ball and Murphy gained territory for the forwards with several solid runs. Nedlands gained more and more possession and fell into a pattern of using the wind to kick the ball in to touch in Perth's 22. Nedlands started putting together coherent backline moves and, in the 29th minute, scored their first try which was converted to give them a 13-3 lead. Nedlands attacked relentlessly in the last 10 minutes of the half but desperate Perth-Bayswater defence held them off.
Nedlands started the second half where they left off in the first, increasing their lead to 16-3 with a 46th-minute penalty. Dunn tried to emulate Nedlands' first-half tactic of kicking deep to touch but Perth-Bayswater was unable to maintain possession. Nedlands backs looked increasingly dangerous running the ball but it was their props who set up Nedlands' second try, breaking through Perth-Bayswater's forwards in loose play before feeding the ball to Nedlands first five-eighth to score and convert. At 21-3 down, Perth-Bayswater looked on the ropes but the back three sparked a revival. Winger Rapata Haeata ran through several Nedlands defenders and McIvor took every chance to run the ball. A penalty for Perth-Bayswater put them in attack. Dogged work by flanker Kyle Sprouse and a bustling run by prop Tom Hughes set up winger Dennis Thompson for a try in the 61st minute. Perth-Bayswater lifted their game and a sensational counter-attacking run out of Perth-Bayswater's half by Thompson in the 70th minute set up McIvor for a try, taking the score to 21-13. Hopes were kindled that Perth-Bayswater could repeat last year's 27-point turn around against Nedlands for a famous win but every time they looked like setting themselves up, they gave away possession through penalties.
Perth-Bayswater coach Jamie Hohapta lamented his team's lack of possession.
"We just didn't have enough ball to attack with," he said.
"The penalty count got away from us and we weren't able to take charge."
The game capped a miserable day for Perth-Bayswater with neither the Reserves nor A Grade able to put any points on the board against Nedlands; the Reserves losing 20-0 and the A-grade 29-0. The Under 19s provided the only bright spot with an 18-5 win over Neddies.
B Grade - (Proudly sponsored by Direct Doors & Chevups Sausages). The boys suffered their second loss in as many weeks when they went down 51-5 to a well-drilled Nedlands. The game got under way and things were evenly matched for the first ten minutes with both teams playing attacking rugby at quite a pace, until Perth's defence got stretched once too often and Nedlands scored out wide. This seemed to open the floodgates with the boys in blue running in tries at will, with Perth unable to get any possession of the ball through the forwards. Nedlands scrum pushed the makeshift Perth scrum off their own ball and controlled all the breakdowns and mauls for all the first half. The Perth boys where lucky not to go to the break more points down than what they were but due some good defense by Dwayne "the train" Barr and some poor handling by the Nedlands outside backs, combined with the lack of a goal kicker, kept the points tally down.
Uncontested scrums were called for the second half with the loss from the front row of Kevin "Granddad" McKeag due to injury and shortly after to the blood rule of Mike Te Aute. This meant that Fridge who had just left the field to give "The Fonz" a run had to return to the field as a prop. Perth lifted their performance late in the second half and managed to stem the flow of points against them. The team was rewarded for this effort with a try after Handsome Danny Vella and Fridge made a drive at the try line which sucked in the defense. The ball was then spun wide by Mike " Prince of Whales" Jones to Wayne "Japie" Campbell who was loitering out wide with the backs . For a moment there the whole team held their breath with the thought that he may score a try and we would have to put up with him telling as about it for the rest of the season but to everyone's astonishment Japie passed the ball out to the unmarked "Fonz" on the wing to score his first ever try in rugby. Thumbs up to "The Fonz" for making sure we got on the scoreboard and as Webmaster and former fifth grade winger Rick Boyd knows all too well from way back in the days of the Westaways, Cliff Richard, Duracell etc that a 51-5 loss is a lot better than 93-0.
(Thanks Fridge. I was hoping to forget.-- Ed.)
| UNI CELEBRATIONS SPOILT |
| 16 MAY 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater spoiled University's 75th anniversary celebrations with an untidy 10-6 defeat in the Home Building Society rugby union middle of the table battle. At McGillivray Oval, Perth-Bayswater only just escaped with scalp intact in a scrappy, error-filled game punctuated by continuous penalties. It was more a case of who lost, rather than who won. The University kicker converted only two from seven chances, many in handy positions. Perth-Bayswater showed the most enterprise but they also made the most mistakes, in a game that was in the balance until the closing whistle.
Uni drew first blood after 3 minutes when they kicked his first penalty, and looked ominous with the boot when they added a second ten minutes later. Perth-Bayswater may have had marginally the better of first half territory but were rushed and awkward, with many unforced errors and a rising penalty count. Uni had their share of howlers, knocking on over the try line after a blistering 50 metre attack. The boys in black stormed back with a quick tap penalty on their own line, catching Uni off guard as wing Dennis Thompson sliced through and raced up to halfway. He passed out to halfback Mark Hill who sprinted down the touchline to score out wide. Uni closed out the half, missing their third consecutive penalty kick to take a narrow 6-5 lead into the break.
Fifteen minutes into the second half, Perth-Bayswater spun the ball wide from a tap penalty and wing Rapata Haena outpaced the defence to score in the corner, to lead 10-6. Perth-Bayswater made inroads with spontaneous running attack while Uni's more structured style often failed to gain territory. The Morley club stole a number of Uni's lineouts and their scrum was much improved from its recent shaky form. Perth-Bayswater had the best of the closing stages but never put the game away safely, keeping Uni in the hunt with a string of penalties.
In other grades, Reserves scored a late try to lock up their game 15-5; A grade again went down heavily 56-10; B Grade suffered a rare defeat, 28-13, when Uni cheated by having a team of young players who broke cardinal rules such as being fit and playing the game at pace; and Under 19s celebrated their first wn over Uni in some years, winning 15-12. Women raced into the record book with a huge 110-0 thrashing of the inexperienced Uni women.
B Grade (Sponsored by Direct Doors and Chevups Sausages). A slightly below-strength B Grade suffered their first loss of the season when they went down to University 28-13 on Saturday. A new look Uni team of mainly twenty-year-olds provided Uni with their first win in this grade over the aging lads from Perth. Playing into the wind in the first half Perth was hard pressed to get out of their half allowing Uni to slot over a couple of penalties (one of which was questionable with The Fonz, linesman for the day, needing an optometrist appointment booked for him). Uni also managed a converted try after some weak defense allowed them to take a 13-3 lead into half time with Perth only able to manage 3 points from the boot of Dwayne "the train" Barr.
After some stern words from Ace Manager Grunter, the boys got stuck into the game using the wind to get them into an attacking position in Uni's half. Perth hammered away at Uni and was finally rewarded with their first try when Tom "Mad Man" Lynch had the ball knocked from his hands when driving over the line, which was scooped up by Fridge who barged his way over to score. This hard work was unfortunately soon undonewhen a loose pass allowed Uni to score. Not to be outdone, Perth stormed back up field through the likes of Richie "Lionel" Johnston, Bert "two left feet" Bothwell and Wazza. After a couple of hammering runs the boys were back into the game when John pulled in a pass behind him to score out wide. This was, however, the last time Perth would score in the game. For some reason they decided to part from the game plan and paid the penalty, putting themselves under pressure through taking wrong options. Some poor defence around the rucks and mauls allowed Uni to score two more tries to take the game and the points. University deserved their first win over Perth and must be pleased that after all the thrashings they have received from the boys in black over the years, finally the beer after the games tastes a lot sweeter. "Congratulations and well done". (We'll be back!!)
| TRYLESS WANNEROO TRY HARD |
| 9 MAY 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater defeated Premier Grade debutantes Wanneroo 26-0 in the Home Building Society competition on Saturday.
At Morley Reserve, the men in black were on fire early with a sizzling try to fullback Joel McIvor in the corner after the backline swept downfield from a ruck on their own 22. Flyhalf Jeff Martin converted from out wide.
The ball must be up here somewhere... |
Ten minutes on Martin added a penalty but the floodgates closed down to a trickle as Wanneroo worked their way back into the game, dominating the scrums.
The game never rose to any great heights but Wanneroo's lack of points was not due to lack of enterprise. They played like seasoned competitors and were unlucky not to score.
Martin wrapped up the half with a penalty for a late tackle, Perth-Bayswater taking a 13-0 lead into the break.
Wanneroo opened the second spell on attack but again it was Martin who secured the points, with a penalty ten minutes in.
More penalties helped Perth-Bayswater into an attacking position and five minutes later the ball spun along the backline for inside centre Rapata Haeta to score in the corner on the overlap.
Wanneroo lifted to hammer Perth-Bayswater's line only to knock the ball on with the line wide open. And that was the story of their game -- plenty of possession but no finish.
Wanneroo continued to pressure but McIvor's howitzer boot kept Perth-Bayswater out of danger. From one raking kick down the sideline, centre Logan Cribb regathered and raced clear to score. The conversion bounced off the posts but Perth-Bayswater led 26-0 with ten minutes to play.
Wanneroo worked hard for a consolation reward but could not finish as the match wound down to full time.
In other grades, Reserves beat a determined Wanneroo 28-14, A grade was trounced by Joondalup 63-12 and Under 19s lost to Wanneroo 10-0.
Brilliant B Grade (proudly sponsored by Direct Doors and Chevups Sausages) had a hard-fought 21-5 win over the Joondalup Brothers. The boys in black were a bit concerned when they noticed the unknown opposition warming up, practicing moves and set pieces before the match. We will check the rules as we are sure that this kind of thing is highly illegal in this grade. The game got under way and Perth was quickly in control as the black forward pack led by Andy "Evergreen" Keen overpowered the opposition pack in the scrums and lineouts. With Hitman Hector George and Handsome Danny Vella making driving runs deep into opposition territory it was not long before Perth was on the scoreboard. Shane "Public" Barr scored next to the posts after a big drive from the forwards towards the line, and then Handsome Danny Vella crashed over the line for a well-deserved try. Danny actually scored the next try but due to an illegal jersey sling when he was over the line, the ref awarded a penalty try under the posts instead. Perth was unlucky not to be awarded another three tries but on each occasion the ref was unsighted. (Slow refs in B Grade).
B Grade went to half time with a 21-0 lead but was unable to add to this in the second half and let Joondalup in for a well deserved try after some poor defence by the backs. In fact, had the backs not played so poorly the team would have scored a lot more points from all the possession that the forwards supplied. The backs were guilty of taking poor options, kicking poorly, not looking to the outside for support and generally just being a poor support crew to the fantastic performance by the forward pack. Mike "Prince of Whales" Jones showed he still has it by taking the quick option when awarded a free kick. Unfortunately on one occasion late in the second half, due to being so tired he could not bend over enough to pick up the ball after the tap and knocked itl on with the line open. Just in case the ref had missed the first knock on he knocked it on a couple of extra times to make sure. Finally we want to send a big hello to our followers around the globe via the website. Especially "Tricky Dickie" Mollart in London who keeps up with the performance of the team every week from the land of the unwashed.
On a social note, the day was awash with legendary figures from the club's murky past. What with Bad Billy Watt, Irish Stu Porter and Ken Porridge Angus keeping Wanneroo afloat, Sean Ponderous Ormrod keeping Filthy Fifths true to their name, and even Aussie Al Fraser showing his face on the sidelines -- it was like 1988 all over again. All those 3 am finishes in the Hec Bristow Bar came flooding back. Best not to say any more.
| B GRADE STARS |
| 3 MAY 2004 |
Premier and Reserve Grades enjoyed the maximum points from a bye this weekend.
A Grade [formerly third grade] scraped in with a last minute converted try to get away with a 10-10 draw against Mandurah. It would have been a different result if Mandurah had a goal kicker and been able to convert their two tries. The game never reallyflowed with constant stoppages due to poor handling and the odd unusual decision by the ref. Down 10 to 3 with only minutes left on the clock it was prop Richie "Lionel" Johnson who chased over for the face-saving try, which was converted to tie the scores. Good performances from Craig Robinson, Hector George and the Coyle brothers helped keep Perth in the game. They will have to lift their performance this week if they want to keep in touch with top of the leader board.
B Grade [formerly fifth grade] made the trip down to sunny Mandurah this week to take on the Mandurah Pirates at their home ground for the first time — the old competition setup meant the clubs always played in separate competitions. Little did the unsuspecting Pirates know what was going to hit them in the form of the well-oiled team of misfits known as the Filthy Fifths. The game started and both teams were evenly matched for the first ten minutes until Wayne "Bubs" Salter followed up a well-weighted kick and pounced on it to open the scoring. This started the flow of points with nine tries scored by Perth in the finish for a final score of 55 to 7 in favor of the men in black. The welcome return of kicking guru "Wee Bruce McFinlay" paid off with five of the tries being converted this week. Other try scorers were Dwayne "the Train" Barr, the Kingaroy Express (2), Noel "Flying Fridge" Spittal (2), who had to sprint from inside his own half to score his second in the far corner after being slipped an inside pass from Dwayne. Fridge's reaction after just making the try line was to look up and inform the supporting Dawyne "the Train" Barr to NEVER EVER pass him the ball that far from the try line again. Other try scorers for the day were Ken, Tom, Wazza and Tommy. Ken dotted down after being slipped a nice pass from "Matt the Mat" who had just picked himself up off the floor moments earlier. Handsome Danny Vella was made to wait until half time before he was allowed to come on due to him being a soft cock and not playing last week. Handsome Danny charged onto the ball, taking it well into the Pirates' 22 and then passed to Bert "two left feet" Bothwell who should have scored but managed to trip over his own feet five meters short of the line. Luckily Handsome Danny was there to pick up the ball and dive over for the try. Other good performances for the day came from Jaapie who took some great lineout ball, Wazza who had a strong performance at inside center, Andy "Evergreen" Keen who hooked well, Tom "Desert Madman" Lynch who was strong up front and of course Mike "Prince of Whales" Jones who managed to upset his opposite number all day.
| NEW DAWN DARKENED BY WESTERN GLOOM |
| 28 APRIL 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater Premier Grade's exciting start to the 2004 competition came back to earth with a thump at Morley Reserve when reigning Premiers Wests-Subiaco dumped them 41-3. There'll be more on this when the jungle drums start beating.
In other grades, Reserves lost to Wests-Subiaco 25-15; A Grade lost to Wests-Subiaco 45-5 but Under 19s downed ARKs 20-5.
Meanwhile, B Grade, the team forerly known as Fabulous Fifths, had a 46 - 0 win over Wanneroo at Morley in 31 degree heat. Even the presence of Big Bad Billy Watt was not enough to save Wanneroo from conceding eight tries to the men in black. These were scored by Dwayne Barr (2), Noel Spittal (2), Mike Jones, Wayne Salter, Andy and Ken.
Two of the tries were outstanding. First Mike "Prince of Whales" Jones slipped blind from a scrum five meters out. With the defenders concentrating on "The Fridge" on the outside a gap opened up for the Welsh Wizard to slip through for a rare try. After that effort Mike was surprised not to be asked by Jamie to stand by for the Premier Grade. The other try of note was scored by Dwayne "The Train" Barr who scooped up a Wanneroo spilled ball behind our own line and sprinted the length of the field to score. None of us ran in support as it was too hot and too far to run. Handsome Danny Vella was linesman for the day due to injury but was close to quitting the job when the ref told him he could not drink beer on the job. The team agreed that it was the longest time between drinks for Danny that any of us could remember.
| BLACK MAGIC BEWITCHES KALAMUNDA |
| 17 APRIL 2004 |
Perth-Bayswater Premier Grade defeated Kalamunda 36-13 in round one of the Home Building Society Rugby Union Competition today.
Despite first game jitters, Perth-Bayswater's dazzling running rugby shot them to a 21-6 half time lead, then locked the young Kalamunda team out of the second half with a comprehensive all round effort.
At Hartfield Park, Kalamunda dominated possession in the first half, with a powerful scrum and effective lineouts. Perth-Bayswater lived off scraps of possession but it was enough to spark up an electric back line that scored three times before the break.
Half back Mark Hill scored a magificent solo try five minutes in, stealing ball from a ruck on his own 10 metre line and racing up the blindside. He completely flummoxed the Kalamunda defence with a classic dummy to his supporting wing, and cut back in to score under the posts. Joel McIvor converted.
Ten minutes later inside centre Julian Dunn sliced through from a tap penalty for centre Logan Cribb to score. McIvor again converted.
Kalamunda replied with two penalty kicks but later in the half Perth-Bayswater scored a magic try that saw all the back line handling before a casual flick pass behind the back put flyhalf Nathan McCourt over the line. McIvor added the extras for an impressive 21-6 lead at half time.
Perth-Bayswater increasingly dominated possession in the second half as Kalamunda faded, cementing the scrums and punishing the Forrestfield club with forward strength in the loose.
Cribb scored his second after 7 minutes, in the corner, and ten minutes later big young lock Michael Murphy crashed over following a powerful rolling maul.
Kalamunda spent perhaps five minutes of the spell out of their own half, but picked up a try when their openside flanker broke free from a ruck in the 22 and shot through sloppy defence to score. The try was converted but Kalamunda were playing for pride only at 31-13.
McIvor wrapped up the game for Perth-Bayswater with a classy try in the corner, coasting across the face of the Kalamunda defence and dancing past two tacklers to score -- but it could have been more, Perth-Bayswater inside backs blowing a couple of certain tries going for glory with unmarked men outside them.
In other grades it was mostly good news as well — Reserves defeated Kalamunda 27-22, A Grade defeated Kalamunda 18-14 and B Grade walloped Southern Lions II 43-2. Colts, however, lost to Kalamunda 24-0.
| FIFTHS CAMP STAALWEDGE SHOCK |
| 29 MARCH 2004 |
Players forced naked into the ocean, drugged and left on the ground for maraudings ants, beaten with wooden clubs — the club administration will probably be ordering a commission of enquiry into the conduct of the fifth grade pre-season training camp. Our undercover correspondent embedded in this elite unit, codename "Fridge", reports:
Filthy fifths ventured to Wedge Island this year for their first ever pre-season training camp. Not all the team was able to make it due to some having work commitments, others being out of town and also some just being under the thumb of the missus. Despite this we still had a good turnout of a dozen players plus Jock the dog. Manager "Grunter" had the team assemble at 0700 hours at the club on Saturday morning making sure enough eskies were brought along to store the most important provision - BEER. After loading up with supplies and seeing off the favorite lady in our lives (Shelly the club barmaid) the boys headed off in a convoy of four 4WD's to the Wedge Island hideout of the Evil Westaway Gang.
Japie, with Handsome Danny Vella and Westy himself riding shotgun, led the way in Japie's Landcrusier with freshly fitted new tires named after him — "Grippers". Unfortunately the new tires didn't live up to their name when we first hit the sand with Japie's 4WD almost getting bogged on the first hill. Then to top it off Japie showed us that he has no idea how to back a trailer, almost jack-knifing it in the attempt. Once past this little hurdle we hit the beach with the lads driving opening up the throttle for the cruise along the coast to Wedge.
On arriving at the shack we quickly set up camp and then it was down the beach for a quick swim before having South African sausages and rolls for lunch, cooked on the barbecue by Japie and Westy, washed down by plenty of beer. After lunch it was back down the beach for an afternoon of swimming, touch rugby, hooning around on Danny's quad motorbike, and of course piss drinking. Some of the boys forgot that skoling heaps of beer may make you extremely attractive to women and bullet proof but it doesn't work well as sun screen. Two of the lads who suffered the most from this where Shane "Public" Barr and Bert "Two Left Feet" Bothwell, who made a sterling attempt to change his nickname to "Lobster Boy". Special attention was paid to these two during the game of touch rugby, with all tags made directly to the most burnt parts of the body at force with an open palm.
Follwing an afternoon at the beach, the team returned to camp for the evening. Concern was raised when Goose had been missing for over an hour on the bike so a search team was sent out to find him. When the search team returned twenty minutes later with no sign of him it was decided that a wider search would be mounted, despite Westy's advice that he was probably dead and would be easier to find in the morning by following the vultures to the crash site. The lads saddled up and just as we were heading out Goose rocked up on the bike. Turns out he had gone for a long ride and then got stuck in the sand dunes, spending half an hour digging himself out. Since we were in the 4WD's we went for a drive along the beach anyway with the Barr Boys and Grunter deciding to take in the sunset from the top of the highest dune. Fonz and Fridge were on their way back from a drive up the beach and noticed that the boys were still up there, so decided to join them. Upon reaching the top the lads discovered that both vehicles were bogged up to their axles and it wasn't the sunset keeping them there. With Grunter's snatch strap (no, it's a tow rope not a sex toy of Deb's) the two vehicles were pulled out and away we all went. That evening was spent around the barbecue with Bert's burnt chops and steak for dinner. Songs were provided by the Singing Scot "Wee Bruce McFinlay" and his mate "Matt the Mat" who appears to have a carpet glued to his chest.
Bert, Westy, Fridge and Wee Bruce decided that they would share a huge Cuban cigar that Bert had brought along down by the beach under the stars with a few cans of beer. After a lot of bullshit the cigar was finally smoked, and Bert and Fridge decided a midnight skinny dip was in order, but Westy and Wee Bruce were too pissed to stand up and join them. The midnight streakers dived in for their swim, cans in hand, standing waist deep in the water talking only to have a huge king wave come out of nowhere without warning, totally wiping them out. Good time to get out before drowning, it was decided, so a dash for the clothes was needed. Problem was that when Bert made his dash he was caught fully exposed in the headlights of some poor unsuspecting family's 4WD out for a night drive. Fully dressed, it was time to help Westy, the team's elder statesman, get back to the shack. Age is catching up with Westy now in his late 50's. Fridge had to lead the poor old bastard by the hand while Bert pushed him up the track. Later on Westy was to demonstrate that incontinence is a problem in later life by also having an little accident when passing wind that may have been slightly more solid than intended.
The night carried on into the wee small hours with the ocasional need to help some people stay awake by use of a cricket bat, throwing darts at them when they tried to lay down and giving them a Bundy and Cola wake up shower. Bedtime was finally decided on when the generator ran out of fuel some time before dawn. Grunter made the small mistake of bunking down with Wee Bruce's swag and found himself being flung off it and having to sleep on a wooden table for the rest of the night to avoid the ants, that had developed a taste for the Bundy and Cola over his back.
In the morning a lining for the stomach was provided in the form of bacon, eggs, chops, sausages and toast cooked to perfection by Grunter. One last swim and then it was time to pack up camp and make our way back to civilization while the tide was out, with the general feeling that the Fifth Grade pre-season training camp will become an annual event.
(Special Thanks to - Peter Westaway for providing his beach shack and organising the food for the weekend. Andrew Spittal and Ching Contracting for sponsoring the beer and ice. Shelly for organizing the beer and ice. Grunter for organising the training camp)
| BLACK PIGS IN TOUCH FINAL |
| 11 MARCH 2004 |
Perth Bayswater's Black Pigs touch team performed with distinction to win a place in the grand final of the Wanneroo Rugby Club touch rugby tournament, but lost the game 7-2 to North-west Sheds.
The unbeaten Black Pigs topped their group mid-way through the competition. Two late losses relegated them to second place by the end of the season, but still maintained them a place in the finals on Sunday 7 March at Wanneroo's Kingsway ground.
In the first semi-final, the Pigs faced first-placed North-west Sheds, with a record of one win, one defeat and a draw against them in the competition. Either the early hour or the effects of the night before hampered them, but the Pigs were not switched on in this game and went down in a heavy 6-0 defeat.
All was not lost, as their second placing in the competition earned the Pigs a place in the preliminary final against the winners of the other semi-final between the the third and fourth-placed teams. In this game they met the Wanneroo Roo Dogs and played to their full potential, beating the Dogs 4–1 with tries to Kyle Sproule, Chris Coyle (2) and Brett Murphy.
Black Pigs then returned to face their nemesis, North-west Sheds, in the grand final. This turned out to be a much better encounter with the sides even at half time at one try each, Tim McLoughlin scoring for the Pigs. The second half started with the Pigs giving away two soft tries. This opened the floodgates until they were 6 – 1 down with no hope of winning the game. The Pigs did manage to pull back another try, an intercept by Mark Hill (who turned up late and played in the last game), but it was too late and the Sheds scored a final try to end the game 7–2 up.
Well there’s always next year. Congratulations to the Black Pigs on a fine performance.
| TWILIGHT TENS 2004 |
| 23 JANUARY 2004 |
The Annual Perth Bayswater CANTERBURY OF PERTH Twilight Ten-a-side Competition will be held over three Friday nights on 5, 12 and 19 March 2004. Teams will compete in the Open Division and Colts Division (provided enough colts teams register).
Entry fee is $100 for Open Division, $75 for Colts. Prizemoney will be awarded. Click below for:
Nominations close on February 27. Fees to be paid on the first night of competition to Dennis McLoughlin. For more information contact Dennis McLoughlin on 0417 948 217.
|
CANTERBURY OF PERTH
Shop H11, Hay Street level, Carillion Arcade207 Murray Street, Perth Peter and Barbara Fyfe — Phone: 9485 2055 E-mail: ccc.perth@canterburynz.com.au |
| PRE-SEASON TRAINING |
| 22 JANUARY 2004 |
Pre-season training starts at Morley Reserve, Wellington Road, Morley on Tuesday 27 January 2004 at 6.30pm. Thereafter every Tuesday and Thursday at 6.30pm. Training will be run by first grade coach Jamie Hohapata. The season starts 17 April (TBC). Players to bring runners and waterbottle! All past and prospective players welcome.