
We start our tour of Perth at the centre of the known universe, or as we prefer to call it, Morley Reserve, Morley. This noble arena of finest Western Australian buffalo grass is home to the Perth-Bayswater Clubrooms, the venue of many a fine night celebrating yet another great victory over some hapless band of Johnny-come-latelies (or, on the odd occasion, drowning our sorrows after foul play, poor refereeing and bad weather deprived us of the triumph we so richly deserved).

Is the woman in your life one of those poor creatures not convinced that rugby is better than a week in Paris with an American Express Gold Card? Never fear, girls, just over the road is the biggest shopping complex in the northern suburbs, the Morley Galleria. This three-armed giant has enough shops to keep your bloke broke well into the next century, so don't hold back spend, spend, spend. (While we enjoy our rugby in peace, peace, peace.)

And not two minutes walk away from the clubrooms is this charming little hostelry, the Morley Alehouse, in case you fancy a beer when the clubrooms is not open. The proprieter of this fine establishment is a club legend, one Andrew Hine, a quality halfback in his day (whenever that was, around the Wars of the Roses I think). Just bowl in, bellow, "Give us a beer Hinesy you bastard!" and before you can say, "Allow me to assist you with that heavy wallet", Hinesy will have the beers lined up and be regaling you with a likely tale of the low blow that brought his playing career to a premature conclusion (at the age of 52).
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