A couple of miles off the coast in the Indian Ocean is an essential WA tourist spot, Rottnest Island. No cars are allowed on the island and all travel is by bike or foot. The island was named by Dutch explorers who called it (in Dutch, obviously) Rat's Nest Island, because of the small native marsupial, the quokka -- but more about them below. As you can see it's a bloody depressing place, with its translucent blue sea and its crystal white sand. And it's so relaxing you fall asleep on the way from the ferry to the pub. Who needs it?
This is the village square, and very scenic it is. One of the good things about Rotto, apart from there not being any smelly, noisy cars cluttering up the place, is that it's out at sea (obviously) and gets the sea breeze sooner, more often and cooler than anywhere else. Which can be heaven on one of those stinking hot Perth summer days when the air feels like the inside of a pizza oven without the pizza. Nothing to do but sit around, drink beer, and be cool. In every sense of the word.
This is where we get to the quokkas again. Here is one fine specimen, hopping down the road (that's why the humans made roads here, right?) on the look-out for unattended chips or the odd stray bun or sandwich. They're not exact shy and retiring, in fact "bloody annoying " might come closer to the truth. But no, let's be fair, if you want to get up close and personal with a unique Australian native animal, here's your chance. And by the way, using them as footballs is against the law, whatever you may hear about the charms of "quokka soccer" from high school students on their ninth wine cooler.
The Rottnest Hotel is a famed watering hole and the scene of drunken revels each year for high school students after exams, and for new years celebrations. And what better way to spend a hot summer day in Perth than by totally ignoring the white sand, clear blue waters of the Indian Ocean, and flocks of barely dressed young blondes by sucking back gallons of watery, fizzy Australian beer that packs the kick of an irritated mule. And on that note we will draw our tour and virtual pub crawl to a close and ask one final question: can you think of just one good reason why you shouldn't be playing rugby in Perth next year?